Money, “Money makes the world go round”, “Everyone’s lives revolve around money.” In this world that we live in money is everywhere, and everyone wants it. There are reality and game shows that give away millions of dollars every year. With so much money is there anything that is truly priceless.
I walk out onto the green field on a fresh spring day. I sniff the air; I look up above the field at the geese flying against the light blue sky. The sun shines brightly and brilliantly down upon the diamond. I take a jog to warm up, and ease my muscles.
I jog onto the field with my teammates and I begin to play catch. I catch the ball, then take it out of my mitt, and with a flick I send the ball back. I then go out to my position on the field and swipe the dirt with my feet. I get ready and wait for the ball. The coach begins hitting to all the positions. He goes to 3rd, short stop, 2nd, and then 1st. He smacks the ball off the bat to the ground and I charge the ball and throw to first base.
The umpires come dressed in dark blue and we take the field. We throw the ball around the infield to get our arms ready. The pitcher throws to the catcher, the catcher’s glove goes pop, pop, pop. The umpires are grouped together discussing the game and who is going to be the home plate “ump”. Finally they come out and yell to us “play ball.”
The sunlight that is gleaming down through the clouds warms my back as I get into the ready position. I’m up on the balls of my feet awaiting the pitch. The pitcher is in the windup, and throws. BANG! The ball is hit and the batter bolts out of the box and turns into an Olympic runner, down the first base line. I see that the ball is hit and I run after it upon the infield dirt. I quickly realize that the only way to reach it is with a dive. I dive, I catch, I hop up and I throw hard to first base just in time.
* * *
I take a glimpse of the food on the plate, its BBQ chicken. The BBQ sauce is flowing over the chicken breast. The chicken is not alone, it is accompanied by an army of rice and a forest of garlic cauliflower. I look at the food with joy, knowing that this is a special meal with only the components that I like.
I pick up the sharp knife and start to cut the chicken. I cut and see layers upon layers of chicken. I use my fork to pick up the piece that I have cut. Then I take the chicken off the fork with my mouth and I experience a wonderland of flavor and zest.
The cauliflower is next. The white veggie trees flecked with garlic look appealing. I take my fork and drive it into them. I take the cauliflower and stick it in my mouth, and savor the great flavor.
I have saved the best for last. The rice is the survivor of the three foods but not for long. The rice cowers in the corner and I quickly scoop it up. My stomach grumbles as I bring it nearer. Then with one last whomp the rice is gone and my stomach is satisfied.
I love both playing Baseball and BBQ chicken for different and the some of the same reasons. I love playing baseball because it gives me a feeling of happiness. After a long day at school I enjoy going to a baseball game or practice. Also, baseball gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment if I do something well.
BBQ chicken is different than playing baseball because it can be replaced and duplicated. Also BBQ chicken is a food and baseball is a game. I love BBQ chicken because it cheers me up at supper time. Sometimes when I am feeling sad, I will eat the chicken, cauliflower, and rice and feel better afterwards.
Even though playing baseball and BBQ chicken are almost completely different they have their similarities. Both playing baseball and eating BBQ chicken make me happy. They also have the ability to cheer me up after a bad day.
Playing baseball provides me with exercise, accomplishment, and fun. The exercise is easy because it is fun to do. Baseball also gives me that feeling like nothing else, it makes me giddy and excited and gets me high on endorphins. When I eat BBQ chicken I am provided with satisfaction, and pleasure. I get the satisfaction from being full and enjoying what I ate. I am able to get pleasure from the BBQ chicken because it tastes good to me. In the end the BBQ chicken is an object of price and financial worth, but playing baseball is priceless and no financial object can replace the feeling I get when I play it.
I walk out onto the green field on a fresh spring day. I sniff the air; I look up above the field at the geese flying against the light blue sky. The sun shines brightly and brilliantly down upon the diamond. I take a jog to warm up, and ease my muscles.
I jog onto the field with my teammates and I begin to play catch. I catch the ball, then take it out of my mitt, and with a flick I send the ball back. I then go out to my position on the field and swipe the dirt with my feet. I get ready and wait for the ball. The coach begins hitting to all the positions. He goes to 3rd, short stop, 2nd, and then 1st. He smacks the ball off the bat to the ground and I charge the ball and throw to first base.
The umpires come dressed in dark blue and we take the field. We throw the ball around the infield to get our arms ready. The pitcher throws to the catcher, the catcher’s glove goes pop, pop, pop. The umpires are grouped together discussing the game and who is going to be the home plate “ump”. Finally they come out and yell to us “play ball.”
The sunlight that is gleaming down through the clouds warms my back as I get into the ready position. I’m up on the balls of my feet awaiting the pitch. The pitcher is in the windup, and throws. BANG! The ball is hit and the batter bolts out of the box and turns into an Olympic runner, down the first base line. I see that the ball is hit and I run after it upon the infield dirt. I quickly realize that the only way to reach it is with a dive. I dive, I catch, I hop up and I throw hard to first base just in time.
* * *
I take a glimpse of the food on the plate, its BBQ chicken. The BBQ sauce is flowing over the chicken breast. The chicken is not alone, it is accompanied by an army of rice and a forest of garlic cauliflower. I look at the food with joy, knowing that this is a special meal with only the components that I like.
I pick up the sharp knife and start to cut the chicken. I cut and see layers upon layers of chicken. I use my fork to pick up the piece that I have cut. Then I take the chicken off the fork with my mouth and I experience a wonderland of flavor and zest.
The cauliflower is next. The white veggie trees flecked with garlic look appealing. I take my fork and drive it into them. I take the cauliflower and stick it in my mouth, and savor the great flavor.
I have saved the best for last. The rice is the survivor of the three foods but not for long. The rice cowers in the corner and I quickly scoop it up. My stomach grumbles as I bring it nearer. Then with one last whomp the rice is gone and my stomach is satisfied.
I love both playing Baseball and BBQ chicken for different and the some of the same reasons. I love playing baseball because it gives me a feeling of happiness. After a long day at school I enjoy going to a baseball game or practice. Also, baseball gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment if I do something well.
BBQ chicken is different than playing baseball because it can be replaced and duplicated. Also BBQ chicken is a food and baseball is a game. I love BBQ chicken because it cheers me up at supper time. Sometimes when I am feeling sad, I will eat the chicken, cauliflower, and rice and feel better afterwards.
Even though playing baseball and BBQ chicken are almost completely different they have their similarities. Both playing baseball and eating BBQ chicken make me happy. They also have the ability to cheer me up after a bad day.
Playing baseball provides me with exercise, accomplishment, and fun. The exercise is easy because it is fun to do. Baseball also gives me that feeling like nothing else, it makes me giddy and excited and gets me high on endorphins. When I eat BBQ chicken I am provided with satisfaction, and pleasure. I get the satisfaction from being full and enjoying what I ate. I am able to get pleasure from the BBQ chicken because it tastes good to me. In the end the BBQ chicken is an object of price and financial worth, but playing baseball is priceless and no financial object can replace the feeling I get when I play it.
5 comments:
this is a good essay but i think that it could do without the cliches at the beginning. There are many other more interesting ways to start your essay. Think about thhis for your revision.
i am not little any more though
Nate seems to really enjoy a good hardy meal and socialization. Playing a game is socializing and it satisfies him, but eating BBQ chicken is food and that satisfies him as well. It seems as though nate has his priorities straight!
One of the most vivid images that Nate pastes into your head is when the rice is being cowardly and hides in the corner of the plate.Nate shows that he is good at adding human qualities to food, it is just hilarious. Although Nate was obviosly stuffed, he could fit in some rice anyways.
The best possible thing that I CAN THINK OF THAT nATE DEPICTED HERE WAS THAT HE HAD good choice in words. Although it was not the fanciest wording in the book, it really got the overall image out to the reader. "I have saved the best for last. The rice is the survivor of the three foods but not for long. The rice cowers in the corner and I quickly scoop it up. My stomach grumbles as I bring it nearer. Then with one last whomp the rice is gone and my stomach is satisfied." this reading is one of the best described things in here. He clearly described how he felt about the rice and how it affected his mood and appetite.
Maybe you could try revising the begining a tad bit. There are words that are repeated over and over, and are not pleasing to the ear. To me, this essay was pretty great! Once again, the only thing I would check up on would be that you revise the begining a tad bit.
Nathaniel begins this values essay with a quote, a clever way to start a writing. In his topic sentence he makes it clear to the reader that money is abundant in this world (for some) and buying things of value is overdone. Yet, he still shows the reader that he values things of little expense that provide him with happiness.
Nate does a nice job describing baseball and BBQ chicken. Yet, the baseball description seems a tad wordy. He uses less words to describe his favorite meal BBQ chicken, cauliflower, and rice. However, he uses great adjectives to describe this meal such as "rice being the last survivor on the plate," and gets his point across.
Nate's writing strength used in this essay is his use of adjectives to describe the chicken and the way he makes it almost sound like a "living meal." He says things like, "The rice cowers in the corner of the plate." He keeps the reader in suspense as his fork lowers towards the chicken.
A few constructive pieces of advice to consider would be to use less words to describe the baseball portion of the essay or combine some thoughts. The only other suggestion would be to state in the first paragraph what the two values are.
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